Awkward Moment Thirty Nine: Farting

Poooooofttttt! If you're me, then you're extremely immature and find farting hilarious, embarrassing and awkward. I know it is just a natural bodily function but it's so funny! And it's even funnier/awkward when it's in front of a group of people. Usually when this happens people pretend they did not hear it, but there is always that one really obnoxious person who think it's funny to point it out and laugh. That's always super nice of them.

Everybody has a few good farting stories to tell. I know I sure do. One of them did not happen to me, but it was a dance teacher's group that had gone on stage for acro competition. For those of you who know acro, it involves a lot of lifts and backbends, cartwheels, that kind of thing. So this one girl was the smallest girl in the class and she got lifted for every lift in the dance. The music was super dramatic and there was one part of the song that went completely silent right as they were lifting the girl... when this happened she suddenly she let out a very loud fart. EVERY one heard. The entire audience! She was mortified! I know I would never be able to live that one down.

But then there are just those moments when you're hanging out with friends and you're laughing super hard and just can't help but let one (or 2 or 3) go. It's unfortunate, but it happens to the best of us! It really isn't so bad if you're with friends, but if you aren't then it is just plain awkward. It makes me think of a funny saying that my grandma used to say. It doesn't really translate from Finnish properly, but it basically means "farts are the joy of the poor". In other words, well it's pretty self-explanatory, but she would say that whenever someone, including herself, farted! To be honest with you, I think that would just make it even more AWKWARD!

Awkward Moment Twenty Nine: Seeing old friends.

Any normal person can act normal around an old friend that they haven’t talked to in a while. Me, I’m not normal. I suffer from social awkwardism. Symptoms include: flushing of the face, loss of words, embarrassment, paranoia, and last but not least, awkwardness. Let me tell you, it’s not a pleasant thing.

Anyways, I had an awkward experience at the bus the other day. I was standing at the bus stop waiting patiently as I always do every Monday. There were a bunch of kids from my school standing around me, everyone silent. It’s really awful because technically, I should have my drivers licence. But instead, I stand at the bus stop every Monday, and every Monday I watch kids from my classes stare at me, as they drive themselves home. So I’m waiting, and I see two girls walking towards the bus stop, one whom I used to be really close with and the other whom makes me very uncomfortable. This friend used to drive me to school every day for four years! And there I was standing at the bus stop. It was quite obvious that they were staring at me, but they were far enough away that I could pretend I didn’t see them. I already feel awkward at bus stops, so I know I must have looked so sketchy! I waited until they were just across the street from me until I finally looked. Yup. They were staring all right. Then my old friend started yelling at me from across the street. She’s yelling, cars are whipping past, and it’s loud. I had no idea what she was saying. Then I figured it out. She was asking why I was bussing. So I’m trying to act normal while trying to yell back ,“ I have no ride home on Mondays!” No one at the bus stop knew who I was talking too, and my friend couldn’t hear me. Awesome. I tried to yell louder but it wasn’t working. So she takes out her phone and signals to me that she would text me. Then, while trying to balance all my books, I had to rummage through my purse to find my phone-I might add that I hate me phone. It’s so ugly. The whole situation was just very awkward. I know it’s really not a big deal, but because of my social awkwardism, everything is a big deal. AWKWARD!

-Georgie

Awkward Moment Twenty Seven: When your parents embarrass you

You’ve gotta love that awful scenario of being out somewhere in public and having your parents talking their mouths off to total strangers about who the heck knows what, oblivious to the beautifully bright shade of red that your face is turning. That is just so much fun. I’d rather cliff dive onto cement. How about the time I was at the grocery store and my dad decides to really actively participate in the selection of my feminine products. Dad, this is not the same as downloading computer software. Come on, let’s just stick to what we know. Clearly you are not receiving the telepathic messages I am frantically sending you. Oh, sure, go ahead! Excellent idea, ask the really hot guy stocking shelves where the pads are! No dad, not pads, tampons! Do I look impressed?

“Do you want wings or no wings?!”

Why are you yelling! Inside voice dad!! Let’s just pretend that never happened.

Or you know what’s even better? When it’s not a complete stranger. Let’s just put the icing on the cake. Nope, it’s a teacher!

In August my mum and I were in Winner’s shopping for a summer dress for me. I had already put the dress I liked on hold and we were just picking it up so this should not have been such an ordeal. But it always is. Damn you Murphy’s Law! Oh how lovely. Look who it is. It’s two teachers from my school and their son. Now as Mia mentioned earlier, I quite frequently forget that teacher’s have lives outside of school. They aren’t supposed to just show up at shopping malls and grocery stores. It’s just not allowed. Who are we kidding, of course it’s allowed. And of course my mum has to hold up my (absolutely adorable, might I add) jean dress and ask “Is this appropriate for school?” I guess this was just her idea of a joke. Just hilarious, mum! Everyone’s just about to split a gut laughing! Okay. So what? It’s not that embarrassing. My face begs to differ. I can feel the colour inching up from my neck and into my face. Why? Why does this happen to me? I hate it when my face goes fuchsia. Because then all I can think about is how red my face is and it doesn’t stop, it just gets worse and worse. And I am baking alive in whatever I’m wearing and really just need to get outside into some fresh air. But instead I stand there awkwardly smiling and nodding pretending to follow along with the conversation even though I stopped paying attention a good 20 minutes ago. AWKWARD!!!
-Millie

Awkward Moment Thirteen: A slip of the tongue.

This is a good one. A slip of the tongue make situations extremely awkward and hilarious. It can be anything from telling the guy you like you love him on a first date, or trying to come up with a nickname for someone named Gisele, and calling her Jizzy, to accidentally saying orgasm in biology instead of organism. It’s funny when it happens to someone else, but when you’re the one saying it, the situation because very awkward and embarrassing.

     When my mum was a little girl she lived about 2 minutes away from the local gas station. Every week she would go and buy a treat for herself. Unlike today’s gas stations, all the candy was behind the counter, and you would have to tell the clerk what you wanted. So one day she got to the gas station and was very excited to buy herself Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. She said to the clerk, “Can I please have Reese‘s penis butter cups.” She was so humiliated and felt so awkward (she was just a little girl), that she turned around and ran out. She didn’t even get her Reese's Peanut Butter Cups!  So AWKWARD!!

-Georgie

Awkward Moment Six: When you're walking down the street and your umbrella goes inside out!

I hate when this happens! It's not so bad if you are walking down a quite road with no cars, but if is a super busy road, it can lead to some awkward moments. The other day I was walking to meet Millie to go out for breakfast. It was pouring rain and the wind started to blow. I just continued walking down my quiet street, unaffected by the wind. But then I reached the highway, and it starts storming! It was almost like the wind had something against me. By now my umbrella was pulling out of my hands. I thought I was going to be like Mary Poppins and start flying in the air. Just when I get to the busiest part of the road my umbrella goes inside out! I quickly close my umbrella and decide to wear my hood. I am standing at the corner, waiting to cross the street, and silly me decides to put my umbrella up once again because now I am soaking wet. As I try to open it a big gust of wind comes, causing my umbrella to flip inside out and breaks it. I continue to open it. Why you may ask? Who knows! I should have just left it and saved myself the awkwardness and embarrassment. As I try to open it I look to my right and see someone from my school in their nice dry car watching me, all wet and looking like a crazy person. AWKWARD!


- Mia

Awkward Moment Five: Hot tubs.

I don’t know about you guys, but I feel quite awkward while sitting in a full hot tub. Maybe it’s just because I’m socially awkward, but I do not know what to do with myself. Everywhere I look, a strangers face is staring back at me. Ugh, it make me so uncomfortable! I sit there in silence, not wanting to draw any attention to myself. Anyone know this feeling?


     Every year my family and I go away in the summer. One day my grandma, my sister and I were sitting in the hot tub. It was getting close to the maximum capacity of like 15 people. Everyone was minding their own business when all of the sudden my grandma said, “Well this is fun. All these strangers not talking but sitting half naked together in a hot tub!” I was in shock. I couldn’t believe she had just said that! There were a few quiet giggles, but I think everyone was a little grossed out. Personally, it left me feeling mortified, and super awkward!
-Georgie

Awkward Moment Three: When you wear an article of clothing straight from the dryer and a pair of underwear is balled up inside the sleeve.

You know what is extremely awkward? When you spend an entire day with a pair of underwear inside the sleeve of your sweatshirt. You were rushed that morning and quickly pulled out a sweater from the dryer, and obviously didn't think to check inside the sleeves in case some socks or underwear tumbled in there. Oh, what a mistake.

This happened to me a few weeks ago, and I FINALLY noticed during the last block of the day at school. I felt something lumpy in my sleeve and was just about to whip it out when I thought I'd better check what it was before revealing it to the whole world. So I'm sitting there, looking around sketchily, and trying to casually take a peek inside my sleeve. Oh, it wasn't just any pair of underwear. Nope, it was a bright purple stripy thong. Just awesome. I could feel myself getting flushed and embarrassed, despite the fact that nobody had any idea of the little dilemma I was experiencing. My thoughts were frantic, "What do I do now? How do I stealthily get this out of my sleeve?" Sure, there are probably tons of logical ways to solve this problem but I was thinking a bit irrationally at that point. I ended up sticking my arm inside my backpack and inching it slowly out of my sleeve, all while trying to carry on a conversation with a guy in my grade. Luckily he had no idea what was going on. Even more luckily he can not read minds, or else he would have been seeing a lot of potentially disastrous scenarios involving me putting my hand up to ask a question in class and my stripy purple underwear flying across the room and everyone pointing and laughing. People may be under the assumption that awkward situations must involve more than one person. Nope, not true. That was my own little awkward experience that was a secret to everyone except me. It left me feeling very awkward and sketchy and not too sure what to do with myself. AWKWARD!
-Millie

Awkward Moment One: When you can't tell if someone is a guy, or a girl...

How awkward is it when you meet someone for the first time and cannot, for the life of you, figure out if it is a boy, or a girl!? It’s horrible. You spend the rest of your day creepily sneaking glances at it. It’s honestly all you can think about, until you figure out its gender.
     One summer, I went to the fair with my family. All was going well, until we met up with my friend. She had another friend with her. This particular friend had short hair, was wearing no makeup, had a ton of piercings, and was wearing baggy clothes. I would have thought it was a boy except for the fact is also looked like a girl. I was bamboozled! Was it a girl, or was a boy? I waited to hear its name. Dakota. Mmhhmm. So that didn’t help. I figured I really didn’t need to know its gender, so I ignored my curiosity. Then my friend suggested we go on the roller coaster, only problem was that her friend needed someone to ride with. So, of course, I said, “I‘ll ride with him.”
She was a girl, not a guy. AWKWARD!
-Georgie